SCENE REVIEW

13 AUGUST 2002

Welcome to the very last scene round up that I will have to do, and no doubt this will turn into another marathon effort. It’s not my fault mind. I don’t mean to go waffle on to the extent I do; for that you can blame the fact that I was trained to study History, which is effectively a training course in going on and on.

So what’s been going on in the scene at large this week? Well, the players have either contributed loads of work or very little at all and there are one or two returning faces and absolute newcomers to spice things up a little. As Johnny Vaughan used to say when he was still respected, let’s get under the covers…

It’s competition time over at CM Gamer, who are apparently putting together a little something specifically targeted at those webmasters who don’t reckon much to their site design. Under normal circumstances this would be right up my Edmund Halley, but I have a few ideas who might go for it. There was another good article from award winner Mohamed, who argued for transfers within CM to be made more realistic. Plenty of useful points to mull over here, and the question over how the current cash crisis biting lower league clubs will be reflected in CM4 must be asked. A good week for ver Gamer.

My employers-to-be at CM Star went into content overdrive, as is their wont. The most illuminating piece they posted looked at how one can hamstring teams with the simple, divine use of an editor. To illustrate this experiment Chris forced Real Madrid to release all their players, then sat back and watched what happened next. The power must be going to his head.

Also impressing Stuff was the request for gamers to try out the foreign leagues more often, if only to enhance geographical knowledge (bloody cheek), and the sort of rambling look at transfer activities that went off on so many tangents and side anecdotes that Ronnie Corbett allegedly visited purely for research purposes. And it’s goodnight from him…

Under Pressure continues to be under far too little pressure, with a relatively Saharan week. They did have time to make Stuff their third bezzy site, and included a review of their second overall favourite, Project CM. The fact that only CM Star came ahead of the Projectors should give you some idea what they thought of it. Much more fun was had from the article contributed by Max-i-musLFC, grey beard of the scene. He wanted to know why so many half-finished sites trawled the forums begging for staff members, which to me is a very fair query. His rant turned up to 11 when he noted why he liked the sites he did, why players’ lists are just eye candy, and what ‘Little Johnny Virus’ means. Clearly, Max wasn’t after making new friends when he wrote this, was he? That said, he was also responsible for giving the CM Chat Room a serious and worthwhile plug this week, and for that respek is due.

Ker-azy days for the burghers at Champman.tv. They welcomed back Jonni, Chopra and Sheikh, all of whom are fine writers, and promised further technical improvements to the site that would make it quicker, faster, bigger, larger, and possibly speedier. Great, but could they sort out their content? The answer, I’m pleased to note, was yes. Jonni’s well-written review of the SPL went into decent detail, and though it said nothing new (guess what? Rangers and Celtic are the best teams) it was none the worse for that. The glance at Belgium was far more useful, particularly as the Anglophiles amongst us might not know a great deal about our traditional continental ally (did you know Belgium always used to win on ‘It’s a Knockout’). There was also a Bundesliga review, more tactics, some sites given the once-over (Stuff’s review was revised, in a good way) and lots more to come from a site that is listening to its critics.

It couldn’t be a much more different story at Love of Champman, who took a criminal five days off last week before returning on 9 August with more top players votes, a tactic, a wallpaper and menubar and the second round of their CM Scene League. In the kickabout Division Two, Stuff could only force a draw against plucky CM Euphoria and is looking at mid-table mediocrity. Which is ironic really, as that is just where I would put LoC (meow).

Another strong week for Project CM, who are clearly a finking man’s website. I particularly liked the short piece on sentimentality with CM, of which I am definitely a sufferer (come on Pep Guardiola, you must have one good season left in you). The Man Yoo Relegation Project was completed last week. Disappointingly it ended in the sack for our hero before he could do too much damage, but always a pleasure was the mailbag, bursting with indignation from self-righteous United fans. Doesn’t it make your heart ache?

Same again also at The Gaffer. With a growing body of staff, and a tendency to make their feelings about the scene fairly public, TG is becoming the big hitter it has always threatened to be. The Patrick Vieira award for best column went to Reema, who called for improvements to be made in CM’s international management element. Alex’s suggestions for the improvement of training in CM4 won the Roy Keane Gong for Excessive Whining (no, good job fella) and he also found time to examine the comparisons betwixt Sir Alex and Arsene, for whom read David Yelland and Piers Morgan. Guess you had to be there.

AJ Gelman used his platform at CM Addict to wonder why football finances in CM are generally healthier than in real life. A good point this. Even if you’re a cash-happy spend merchant like me, there’s always a summer windfall to look forward to. It’s actually quite difficult to go seriously wrong money-wise in the game, which as we know is just not the case in the hard-nosed and bitter world of reality. There was little else of note coming from Horny Jim, but his sheer and desperate self-criticism does warm my heart at all times.

The ever-improving CM Euphoria was in good form once again. More episodes of the Euphorics’ fine Darlington story were made available, along with a guide to lower-league defenders (a few surprises amongst the usual suspects) and Project CM being made site of the week. You really should check this one out. I was pleased to see the return of Team CM after they were knocked out of action by unscrupulous server difficulties. They’re now called ChampHQ.net, and have a lovely new design, nice and white, with an image of Alan Shearer in the background. If you look carefully you’ll see that Alan has clearly had various parts of his body broken; either that or he’s exceedingly rubber-limbed. Good to see them back.

Then there’s The Boss, which looks very well set out with its inoffensive turquoise banner. They’ve already got six staff, and sure enough there’s already a decent amount of content to whet your appetite. Though new sites introducing large sections dedicated to players lists and tactical downloads should always be treated warily, the number of columns, tutorials and projects would suggest there’ll be meat on the bones. Think The Gaffer, but with a slightly different name.

Finally, the modestly named Champman King returned with his CM Fans site at the weekend. This was making quite a name for itself earlier, not that I can remember why, and you might want to give them some of your time again. They’re recruiting staff as though putting together a small army, so you could expect a welter of content. Maybe.

And that’s more or less it. I don’t have to write this rubbish anymore (unless Chris makes me), and to sum up a fabulous series of scene reviews, here’s this week’s top five… CM sites. Yes at last, my turn to let you know the domains that have made me visit them most often during my stint as a webmaster (surely I don’t deserve that title – would Webdungbeetle be perhaps more appropriate?). Before I do this, I should note how genuinely proud I am to have been welcomed as a member of the scene. It’s been a real pleasure, and you’re all a great bunch of people. I’m never less than impressed with the amount of work that goes into the various sites. Most look extremely professional, with a high standard of writing, and I was surprised to discover that the majority of webbies out there are still in their formative, teenage years. You all deserve a dose of the clap (as in ‘on the back’ variety).

5. CM Addict. You should all by now know my thoughts on the estimable Horny Jim. He’s a nice guy, and his interview with ver Stuff was an exercise in undeserved self-depreciation and honesty. His site is blessed with a quite lovely design, and despite his protestations of being a poor English speaker he has little to worry about usually. Go on, make his day and give his forum a visit.

3 =. Under Pressure. It’s hard to believe that UP has only been around since February, such has been its impact and esteem amongst sceners in the know. Tyler heads a band of superb writers, of whom Max-i-mus is my favourite, partly because he’s older than me. Lots of wit to be had here, and a fine forum to boot. There’s even an advert for Durex on there (not that I have any need of this)…

3 =. The Gaffer. “If you want to go home early, just tell the gaffer” is something I used to sing (to the tune of Two Princes by the Spin Doctors – it was a long time ago) when, er, I wanted to go home early. Gio has told me before that he is considering leaving the scene, and he shouldn’t. Not at all. TG is a great site, bursting with energy and ever improving content. A high point for me was their Scottish week, which got under the skin of many of the issues pervading fitba; the musings of Reema Patel – though rare – are also to be recommended. Another good forum (do you see a pattern emerging?) too, with frequent banter levels and loads of cheek. I’ve enjoyed some good craic with this lot on msn when I really should have been going to bed instead, and for that I thank them.

2. Project CM. “Ooooh nepotism,” you might cry after PCM’s web templates gave this site its first, faltering baby steps. And you’d be wrong. I liked this site before it went into redevelopment, with its humanist, frank opinions, and I like it even more now. It has a great staff base for one thing, with Daniel and Damo the two singular strengths. There are some articles posted here that really do deserve the term ‘thought-provoking’ and again, there’s a forum that’s more well used than an ageing porn star (lurid imagery, but effective). The Projectors have tried to cater for all tastes, with their graphics, players and guides fare, but the strong points are all wrapped up in their articles.

1. CM Star. “Nepotism, nepotism” you might all chant like a mantra, and I dare say you’re partly right. It’s a measure of my respect for ver Star that I have tried to mould Stuff in its image (albeit a skewed one, like the sort you’d get in those distorted mirrors). In many ways, Stuff is nothing less than Star’s bastard little brother (just as I am Qui-Gon Chris’s paduan learner) and as such, I’m amazed at their energy. How does Chris keep pumping the refreshing content out? Does he have a machine that does all the work for him, or is he some no-life who has CM on the brain twentyfourseven? I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll find out when I return this weekend (that’s if he’ll still have me…).